We have here the obligatory "what exactly are you trying to achieve here?" post. Every blog I've read has one of these. Why am I doing this? I mean, if there's one thing the internet doesn't need it's another self-aggrandising pseudo-intellect farting the products of their misfiring neurons into the world. Much of the content of this new-fangled interwebs is the sort of stuff that in earlier ages was denied the world by the merciful pen of the local newspaper letters page sub-editor.
And yet...
Essentially, I need to write. I ought to write. I don't mean that in sense of having some all-conquering need to write that destroys every other facet of my being, the Charles Bukowski sense.
(I read my first Bukowski book last week. I do not hang about with literary references. I'm terribly pretentious.)
I simply mean that I've fallen out of the habit of trying to do something with the imagination and sense of humour that I'm almost certain I possess, that my own indolence is annoying me and it's time I did something about it. I do believe that if you have any sort of a creative impulse, however slight, neglecting it will leave you embittered, miserable and forever wondering what you could have been. Hence; blog.
(I resisted the word "blog" for years. I hate zeitgeisty abbreviations and am only using it now it's fallen into common use as an accepted word. I am currently despising myself every time I use "app" in conversation, to the point I will often labouredly use "application" just to avoid "app".)
I have for several years dabbled in writing (loosely) and stand-up comedy (more enthusiastically) and have largely fallen out of the habit of both. It's no great secret that you have to write in order to write, and this goes also for stand-up. When you fall out of the habit of gigging, it gets hard to get back in, and the longer you go without gigging, the more impossible it becomes to get back into it. Consquently, without the pressure of a deadline (and the thought of an audience awaiting you is pretty much the most mind-concentrating deadline there is, short of the famously-described imminent hanging) the incentive to write falls away.
So then, the point of this is merely to get me writing and to put that writing up for some kind of public consumption. I will be writing what pleases and interests me, in the hope that it will give me some form of inspiration and direction. I should point out that writing to please myself does not mean I fit the old indie band cliche of "we're doing what we want; if anyone else likes it, that's a bonus". I want to create an enjoyable read, but that isn't the primary motivation. A self-arse-kicking is the main aim.
(It was always the most tedious bands that used that particular phrase, I seem to recall from my NME-reading days)
There is also the intention of allowing my thoughts room to play around. I have recently found myself wondering if the total absence of useable written and stand-up material I have produced lately may in some way be related to my social networking habits. I'm a shameless facebooker and am gradually developing a crippling twitter addiction. Nothing wrong with either of those, and I gleefully admit to enjoying both immensely. Not I, the cod-reluctant social networker. It's tremendous fun.
What bothers me is that it allows me to broadcast the small, insignificant and silly thoughts, stupid ideas and petty annoyances to the world immediately. Pre-facetwit, they would bounce around my head for a while, retreat for a bit, simmer lightly and frequently pop out as stand-up material or the kernal of a story. Not always good, but an idea, to be played with and re-thought until I did something with them or gave up on them. Now they form themselves into words, are shot into the ether, commented on or ignored by the world and swiftly forgotten by me. I do often wonder if by enjoying the momentary fun-hit of the status update or tweet, I'm denying myself something rather more useful.
I could just write and not tell anyone until I've produced something with a bit of finesse, of course. Unfortunately most of my writing habits have been coloured by the time I spent doing stand-up and I've found that by far the most effective way of getting my brain working is promising something to a lot of people and the fear of not delivering. That and the fact that I rather like the instant feedback that comes with stand-up, and thus putting my work on display rather than squirreling it away seems like the natural thing to do. I'm hoping that this blog is part of the process of developing some writing skills.
I often thought that if ever I wrote a blog, it would have to have a defined theme to prevent it descending into mindless navel-gazing. As if to prove a point, this blog has no theme and the first post has predictably consisted almost entirely of mindless navel-gazing.
Future posts, however, will be different. I have plans for a couple of reasonably serious politics/media pieces, in which I will try not to get too irate about the Daily Mail too often. There will be some personal stuff, and possibly, if I'm feeling daring, a review or two of things I have seen and done.
(Although given that I have a small daughter, who is ace, I am now seeing and doing less than previously).
I will at least try to be funny if at all possible.
The aim of this blog, then, is to get me over the crippling sense of self-loathing that comes with having a vaguely thoughtful and inventive mind that hasn't recently been put to any good use.
Of course, I shan't discount the possibility that in three posts or so I'll realise I have no talent for this sort of thing. Should this happen, I promise I shall quit with some dignity.
No comments:
Post a Comment